It's been awhile....

So it seems like I always do this when I start to blog...I write a good post in saying I will be writing from now on and expressing my feelings through my virtual journal but as time goes by I honestly get lazy and don't put much thought into things to post or if I do I just get side tracked from other things but what can you do right? Today is one of those days where I miss my Lil one so much...I can't help but to think she is doing or what she thinks about me being gone. I wonder how my absence will impact her later on in life... When I went for my short stay back home on RnR, she had no clue on time...to her every thing was two weeks...the innocence of life and just not having a care in the world. She is a strong kid though...I know that she will be fine...but i can't help to think what is really going on her mind...I miss my lil chunkie monkey!

Cardio and Legs to the max!

Gym double days...oh what fun you might say, no not really you must be thinking " what a crazy ass Mexican! She is gonna kill herself!" Well no pain, no gain right? Not a lot of people know why I am actually working out so much these past few weeks.

To start with, when I went home for 2 weeks on RnR the running bug bit me and didn't leave at all. I found myself waking up each morning at 0600 and find the streets clear with a few Soldiers doing PT in the morning and then there was me. Blasting endless fist pumping tune and just pounding pavement. I even pounded myself into a self driven 13.1 mile run, just to see if I was capable of running 13.1 straight miles. I surprised myself when I finished with 2 hours and 18 minutes. Not race pace material but the fact that I did it wanted me to do more and push myself more. So it has now been almost 2 weeks since I have come back to Afghanistan to finish the rest of my deployment. So far I have only missed one day of working out since the new year. Crazy?! yes! Insane?! not yet but getting there.

Now I am not going to say what I will be doing in the next 11 weeks but I really do hope I can pull it off....But as the time goes along I know my work outs are going to get harder and longer. Today was as grueling as it can get when you have not lifted weights in a while. I felt that pain with me all day from my butt to my toes. 45 mins of what seemed like endless sets and reps of 25 can be discouraging, but I know I need to work in strength training to build my runner's form and of course to burn fat. Cardio today was something I dreaded and did not want to have any part of, I some how forced myself to cross train on the treadmill, bike and stair stepper for an hour and a half. 35 miles on the bike, 4 miles on the treadmill and 10 minutes of the stair stepper was all my legs could handle today. A nice stretch, a cold shower and a pain pill did me some good before I turn in. lol

I'm sure as you are reading this you are thinking "what the hell is she smoking?" honestly I wish I knew. I am calling this an intervention, I am 30 years old, considered obese with a body fat of more than 34% and I want to change that. I don't mean by being a size 2 and never eating a carb. It's about getting healthy and being able to challenge myself and to push my body harder than I have pushed it before. Working out should be like breathing, it should come natural and with out a doubt done everyday. Let me just stop here before I start rambling on and on about this lol I have to get a good thought of mind flow before I put my foot in my mouth lol...now its time to stretch one last time and hit the sack to do this in a few hours again. =)

2012...Time flies thats for sure...

Time has sure flown for me since the last time I said I was going to keep up with this blog. I am going to make a point to update this more than ever since I am tired of really posting my life on Facebook. What is the point in that when I can write what I want in a blog and not have someone comment on my status or like my status for that matter.

I mainly want to start up this blog more as a reflection on myself and my road to a better life physically and mentally. I have been through so much with weight loss and gain that it is always hard to find a happy place. I consider myself a runner trapped in a fat person's body. The truth in that matter is that I have sparked my passion for running long distance. 2-4 miles no longer feed my drive as a good work out. 8-10 miles is the norm for me to get a good work out in a good feeling after.

With this being said, this will be my personal journey through ups and downs. But for now its time to go to bed and rest up for tomorrow

Starting new....

Gonna focus more on here to take time to reflect and re connect to whats important...but for now a word from our sponsors...

March 2010

So the start of this month brings in more snow than the sunshine here in Bavaria... I am looking forward to the spring time so I can start my road trips with my daughter and our Boxer. Trying to soak up all the European travel time the ARMY can give us since my time in the service is coming close to an end. I still have no idea if I will be staying in or getting out. It all depends if I am allowed to stay in. These past four years have been a constant struggle with weight gain/ weight loss that I am starting to get sick of thinking about it. I've come to a conclusion that I do have an eating disorder but have no clue on how to turn it off....

I get told," You have a pretty face, but you would look EVEN better if you lost a couple of pounds". What does that do to a person? Drive them up the wall that's for sure. I have always had physical appearance issues and low self esteem from that. I know I am stronger than to listen to people who don't even know who I am or what I have been through. But it has become a constant nag and reminder. I feel like a failure sometimes no matter how much I work out or eat less of, the weight never seems to want to come off. I have resorted to having an operation done this past Thursday and hopefully I will see some results from it. It is too early to find out about it. But it had to be done in order for me to at least secure a few more years in the service.

If I can serve a few more years that would be great....if not well I am not going to be crying over split milk since I have no one but myself to blame about my life. I am hoping that I can get re assigned to the states...Hopefully Washington state. If not, Southern California. Will see what the ARMY has to offer me after 10 years of service....will see

Right now I have so much going on in my life I don't know what will happen from one day to the next. I hate not knowing what is going on with my life. All I know is I want to be happy and enjoy it as much as I can with out having to deal with the stress and drama from certain people I work with.

Hopefully this week brings me some good new...but until then back to house cleaning I go and well recovering from surgery too...

Holidays

Nothing is more dreaded for me than the holidays....lets hope I can make it through the rest of the year with ease. Right now I am on my toes, I just need a break from all this crap at work and of course the ARMY. Don't get me wrong, I love my job on the airfield. Its just the military side of the house I hate dealing with thats all.

I just need to RUN.

Life as we know it....

So things have been crazy for a few weeks...I've learned about the passing of one of my dear close friends Bob Morgers...I have had the pleasure to know him and his wife for almost ten years....In a way they have been the grandparents Ive never had. I've shared my accomplishments with and my moments of failure...They are truly the best friends anyone can ask for. I just wish I had more time to hear stories and to make some more memories with them. Though his wife Carol is still alive and well,I feel for her since she has lost her soul mate to the hands of the lord...

Back here in Germany....things are all but the same..every now and then there is a different vibe but lately we have been doing the same thing...The military wives that I spend time with are amazing and funny. The offer nothing but support and laughter for when the times get hard...And if it wasn't for them...I wouldn't have my sanity in check....

On my constant plate is the struggle to loose weight...Yesterday I started the Master Cleanse.. My cousin Lauren has done this time and time again and has always managed to lose weight...So far now I am down to 206 which is not that bad considering i was at 210....I know this is not the right way to lose weight or healthy for that matter since all i drink is maple syrup with Cayenne pepper and lemon mixed with water...but it is making me think twice about what i really put in my mouth and what I have lead myself to do with my weight getting out of control...the only reason for this drastic measure is to show the ARMY that I have made some improvements since my last weigh in a month ago...so far is I can lose one more pound on up till Friday I will be good..Since I am only required to loose 3-8 pounds a month....I don't know weight is always a battle I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I don't think it something that I will ever win but I have to at least try for my kid sake...

So day two on Master Cleanse..I'm kinda hungry but not really...Ive made the drink too spicy though the pepper is kickin' my butt...I think the next one I will make wont be loaded with it...LOL...will see what happens later on in the week and how much I can drop after depriving my body of what it needs to survive...but more on that later.....