March 2010

So the start of this month brings in more snow than the sunshine here in Bavaria... I am looking forward to the spring time so I can start my road trips with my daughter and our Boxer. Trying to soak up all the European travel time the ARMY can give us since my time in the service is coming close to an end. I still have no idea if I will be staying in or getting out. It all depends if I am allowed to stay in. These past four years have been a constant struggle with weight gain/ weight loss that I am starting to get sick of thinking about it. I've come to a conclusion that I do have an eating disorder but have no clue on how to turn it off....

I get told," You have a pretty face, but you would look EVEN better if you lost a couple of pounds". What does that do to a person? Drive them up the wall that's for sure. I have always had physical appearance issues and low self esteem from that. I know I am stronger than to listen to people who don't even know who I am or what I have been through. But it has become a constant nag and reminder. I feel like a failure sometimes no matter how much I work out or eat less of, the weight never seems to want to come off. I have resorted to having an operation done this past Thursday and hopefully I will see some results from it. It is too early to find out about it. But it had to be done in order for me to at least secure a few more years in the service.

If I can serve a few more years that would be great....if not well I am not going to be crying over split milk since I have no one but myself to blame about my life. I am hoping that I can get re assigned to the states...Hopefully Washington state. If not, Southern California. Will see what the ARMY has to offer me after 10 years of service....will see

Right now I have so much going on in my life I don't know what will happen from one day to the next. I hate not knowing what is going on with my life. All I know is I want to be happy and enjoy it as much as I can with out having to deal with the stress and drama from certain people I work with.

Hopefully this week brings me some good new...but until then back to house cleaning I go and well recovering from surgery too...