Holidays

Nothing is more dreaded for me than the holidays....lets hope I can make it through the rest of the year with ease. Right now I am on my toes, I just need a break from all this crap at work and of course the ARMY. Don't get me wrong, I love my job on the airfield. Its just the military side of the house I hate dealing with thats all.

I just need to RUN.

Life as we know it....

So things have been crazy for a few weeks...I've learned about the passing of one of my dear close friends Bob Morgers...I have had the pleasure to know him and his wife for almost ten years....In a way they have been the grandparents Ive never had. I've shared my accomplishments with and my moments of failure...They are truly the best friends anyone can ask for. I just wish I had more time to hear stories and to make some more memories with them. Though his wife Carol is still alive and well,I feel for her since she has lost her soul mate to the hands of the lord...

Back here in Germany....things are all but the same..every now and then there is a different vibe but lately we have been doing the same thing...The military wives that I spend time with are amazing and funny. The offer nothing but support and laughter for when the times get hard...And if it wasn't for them...I wouldn't have my sanity in check....

On my constant plate is the struggle to loose weight...Yesterday I started the Master Cleanse.. My cousin Lauren has done this time and time again and has always managed to lose weight...So far now I am down to 206 which is not that bad considering i was at 210....I know this is not the right way to lose weight or healthy for that matter since all i drink is maple syrup with Cayenne pepper and lemon mixed with water...but it is making me think twice about what i really put in my mouth and what I have lead myself to do with my weight getting out of control...the only reason for this drastic measure is to show the ARMY that I have made some improvements since my last weigh in a month ago...so far is I can lose one more pound on up till Friday I will be good..Since I am only required to loose 3-8 pounds a month....I don't know weight is always a battle I will have to deal with for the rest of my life and I don't think it something that I will ever win but I have to at least try for my kid sake...

So day two on Master Cleanse..I'm kinda hungry but not really...Ive made the drink too spicy though the pepper is kickin' my butt...I think the next one I will make wont be loaded with it...LOL...will see what happens later on in the week and how much I can drop after depriving my body of what it needs to survive...but more on that later.....

People with their judgements

So here it is another day...Tuesday, stuck in an un GODLY hot office with no air or A/C not able to take off my shirt top...But the good thing I guess is that I will be off in about an hour and a half to go to the gym. I have been lackin in that area for the past few days...Although I did get a good lil 20 min cardio session in on the rowing machine last night.



So hmm back to what I meant with people and their judgements. I had to go to lunch at Burger King, now I've been trying to watch what I eat and write down what actually goes in my mouth. Its been hard but so far I have been doing it faithfully for almost a week now. But will see how much of a habit I can make this new lifestyle. But onto my story, so here I am, at Burger King. God Knowing that I want to order that Whopper w/Cheese and Fries with a shake. But instead opt for the healthy stuff and choose a salad with no dressing. While I am in line, I am starting to asset people and ponder if they really know how bad all this fast food is. I know I am not one to talk for I am a product of the fast food life and it has thrown me to the obesity end of the gene pool. I know its my fault and no one else but I also blame the fact that society has gone to shit and has mass produced food for serving sizes of like 3-4 when we should be getting just one. Oh well.

So as I am in line with my own thoughts, this female whom I really can't stand starts to look at me. The look that she gave me I know all too well, basically in my head it went like this. "Oh I know this fat ass ain't in here, knowing damn well she needs to lose some weight." Well when my number got called up my salad came up in this big ass bag like Ive ordered half the menu!!! So yeah I was kinda irked coz how it made me feel and I could also feel that bitch's eyes on my bag burning right through wondering what the hell I was eating. Oh well, to each its own right?

I just hate the fact that no matter how hard I try at something, it never comes out right. It never comes out to how it should or get any better. I've been trying hard to lose weight but it seems that I always give up when I start. I don't know why this time is any different. I do not really care if I stay in the military or not. But I do care about living longer.

A new life perhaps?

So I've started a new outlook on life...a better way of living you can say or how we should be living...I am not one big on diets and eating right and doing the "healthy" lifestyle. This week for me has been somewhat of a challenge...From going to the Gym to changing how I fuel myself as needed...I'm not going to lie..I've been overweight for the past 3-4 years...I've lost count since the pounds slowly crepted on me and clothes became tighter and tighter....While forcing the food down my mouth...I cared little on what I have been eating...after all I love food and food in a way has shown its love on me all over....

This week has been going by good so far....lots of fresh fruits and grilled chicken salads for dinner....trying to keep my body fueled as I have been reading over the weeks....Its a process of what you know you should be eating and doing the right thing for you right? Today instead of the normal grilled chicken dinner like I have been eating the past few days I decided to eat pasta with meat and shortly after eating that I felt like puking I don't know why but it just didn't feel right going down...I am starting to think that my body was adjusting to the liking of eating healthy in a way...But I thought to myself, "well hey, I need at least a little bit of carbs to keep me going since I'm doing a lot of cardio now like I used to" Maybe the carbs can come in laters in play...For now I am trying to focus on re learning how to eat again and watching what I put in my mouth instead of not caring...Its going to be a long and painful process..Like I said...I LOVE FOOD!!!! I love the smell, the taste and cooking it!!! I just now have to re learn how to eat to be healthy and not just to eat because I'm bored.

Trip to Koln, Germany

So I am back from my little road trip from Koln...and must I say a four hour drive to and from may seem like a piece of cake but on the German autobahn...good luck with staus!!! Ugh the most annoying thing in the world for me right now is traffic!! I can't stand it and just annoyed by it plain and simple.

We started off the trip a little late...it was still in the air until my friend woke her husband up and found her ATM card and then we were off with a four hour late start...it all worked out in the end. We drove to our half way point in Wiesbaden, enjoyed lunch there and then back on the road. Once we were in Koln, the stupid GPS said we were at our destination but with no hostel in sight. The stupid thing took us to a remotely hidden ritzy hotel.

It seemed we drove around the city for ever but it was only an hour....we came to a conclusion...we were not going to find a hostel to spend the night at so we decided to let the GPS look for a place and it found us a bit of America... The Holiday Inn!!! So we decide to check in and then hit the night life of the city and to view the "infamous" Double Dom Church downtown.

The view was breath taking and it made you feel like a small bug in the great big world!!! The church itself took over 600 years to build!!! As you are viewing it is seems you are looking at a 3D puzzle in a way. The trip there was more than worth it even if it was for a day and a half. But the jokes on the way and just spending time with my daughter and friends was all the best!

I can't wait for my next road trip in Germany! I have been here far too long so as not to the see the wondrous sights and the rich history Europe has to offer. I guess I will have to be taking it one weekend at a time.*sigh*

So it starts....

I've been meaning to do one of these Blog spots forever but with the social networking of MySpace, Facebook, and etc it is forever hard to combine all of the above into one central core... So yeah... Hopefully with this spot I will be able to express myself more so than I do on the other social networks and keep this limited to as who can view and what not...

So about me... What can I say...I'm 28 years old..mother of a 3 year old and a wife going on for five years now... I was born and raised in San Jose, California. I am the oldest of six kids (1 brother and four sisters) My parents have been together since 1979 and have raised us all to the best of their ability so as to be able to sustain ourselves in this place we call the world.

I entered the United States ARMY in 1999. I am currently considered as a Flight Dispatcher...but give me a rifle and a pack then I will be a Soldier, or so they say. The military has taken me around the world and back again since joining. I was stationed in Korea from Jan 2000-Jul 2001, Fort Belvoir, VA from Jul 2001-Nov 2003 ( My unit was the air support for the 9/11 acts at the Pentagon) From Nov 2003 until now I have been stationed in Germany. I have about three deployments under my belt and loved every minute of being out there in a combat zone. It gave me a sense of purpose and meaning with being a soldier. After all this is what we are trained to do right?

After almost being in the Military 10 years, I have begun to think things through and ask myself if this is the path I want to take in life. Is this what I see myself doing for the next 10 or 15 years of my life? I honestly can say is that I haven't quite figured out what I want to be when I grow up. But for now, all I want to do is be a good mother and decent wife to keep a family together and be proud of.

So it starts...this is just a bit of me in a nut shell to scratch perhaps the skin of the surface...There is more to me than meets the eye that's for sure..those who know me and have been there for me know what kind of person I am. What I am capable of when told I can not. Lately I have found it hard to look with in myself to find this person I once used to be... a care free spirit with no worries in life ... just taking life as it comes... either head on or from the back...BOHICA baby...(Bend Over Here It Comes Again)

So with this ending of my first blog, I hope that I will be able to keep a more updated portion of my life...along with my dreams, fears, joys and what ever life can bring...